Sunday Sermon: Is this guy for real?

I first had my attention called to the writings of one “Derek Van Buren” via Mark’s recounting of Derek’s hilarious take on “Zombie Jesus” jokes, which included the following (bold and italics in original):  Warning: The following images represent typical atheist depravity and are very offensive. Please order your women/children to exit the room before review.

Um “order”? Um, “your” women? Wow, just wow. This is the kind of Neanderthal nonsense Poe’s Law was invented for. Then I saw this wonderful piece on “vajazzling,” which included (along with the picture — and caption — at right) the following gem:

“I wish I could say I was surprised, but as should be known, it is rare to find a woman who does not have a cheating, slutty and whorish side to herself.”

He’s fretting because “adorning their erogenous suprapubic area with jewels, and then trying to tempt men to follow the sparkles right to a place where only the married belong. You get my drift.”

How do you break it to this guy that by the time his innocent college boy has seen the “vajazzling,” he’s probably already succumbed to temptation?

7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by erin on April 11, 2010 at 11:46 am

    Thanks for your great blog- I’ve become a big fan over the last couple of months.

    I read a few other articles and had almost managed to convince myself that it was some amazingly brilliant satire, with statements like this:

    “Dear readers, racism is a very ugly thing. It pains my heart when the poor little Mexicans who sneak to our country cannot speak American, just because their friends are all too racist to learn the ‘gringoes’ tongue.”

    Then things like this convinced me otherwise:
    “My friends, just like the Arab terror people the Chinese are scared to death of our great nation and therefore embrace a culture that’s against the American race.”

    both quotes are from


  2. Posted by erin on April 11, 2010 at 11:47 am

    Sorry, I hit send and realized it might be read that I thought your blog was satire – should have said “I read a few other articles on the site you linked to today” 🙂


  3. Posted by MaryLynne on April 11, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    I think it speaks to the whole sad Poe situation, but I can’t quite tell – everyone is clear this is satire, right?If you look at the other articles – Apple Wants to Create the iGay Gene, warning that your iPad will make you gay because of the rainbow logo, Obama Wants to Legalize the 30 Most Disgusting Things imaginable, and Fred Phelps is not a Secret Gay Pedophile (How crazy is that??). Funniest are the comments and hate mail (down right now) from Christians outraged and indignant that he dares to call himself Christian.


    • Posted by erin on April 11, 2010 at 4:01 pm

      Well, I swung back and forth between satire and not satire a few times and ultimately landed on not satire based in part on the sheer volume of articles and the grammatical mistakes (I like to think that folks who come up with satire that brilliant are better writers). I looked at a few articles but missed the ones you mention – after a while I had to turn away.

      Now I feel a little sheepish….


  4. I, too, went back and forth but I’ve come to the decision that the site must be satire.

    (I hope.) :o)


  5. Posted by MaryLynne on April 12, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    That’s the nature of Poe – it really is hard to tell. I had to search for titles that were outrageous enough that it was clear that it was making fun. I’m pretty sure it is satire, though – Real Christians (TM) make some effort to pretty it up or not apply their fundie literalism to issues that would inconvenience them (Prosperity Gospel, anyone, or ignoring the Bible quotes against divorce?)

    Another one that’s even worse, or better, is Landover Baptist Church .
    “Where the worthwhile worship; unsaved unwelcome!” Betty Bowers is a regular contributor.

    My favorite item is the Menstrual Shack –

    Their hate mail column is great. I love how irate fundies get at the suggestion that the logical extension of their beliefs is this nonsense.


  6. Glad youre back. As a native New Yorker, it is only when you go to Europe and see London, Paris or Rome that you realize what a great, international city Manhattan is! We rock!


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