Sunday Sermon: Another holiday song

Yes, I know, you’re thrilled. But sometimes I just get on a writing jag, and I can’t help it. So here’s another little song lyric parody, about the so-called “War on Christmas” — so called by pretty much the only large group of people getting pugnacious about the whole tempest in a tinseled teapot.

The tune is from the Greg Lake song (lyrics, official video), “I Believe in Father Christmas” (which in turn takes the melody of the instrumental interlude from Prokofiev’s “Lieutenant Kije”). Fun facts from Wikipedia: 1) The B-side of Greg Lake’s single is titled “Humbug”; 2) Lake said in an interview that his song isn’t anti-religious, and that he himself doesn’t like people saying “Happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” Go figure.

I Believe In Merry Christmas (Or Whatever)

They say there’s a War on Christmas,
They say there’s no peace on earth,
If Christians can’t keep pretending,
We all believe in some virgin birth
Some people say “Merry Christmas,”
Like it’s a challenge, a gauntlet hurled,
And they think they’re oppressed, and they act so distressed,
If they can’t control the rest of the world

We’ve got secular songs for Christmas,
Songs of snowmen and one-horse sleighs,
But some folks are far from jolly,
If you wish them “Happy Holidays”
They think there’s no room for Christmas,
If there’s anything else as well,
Either Christmas or naught, is how they think it ought
To be done, or you can just go to hell

I wish you a merry Christmas,
Or Solstice or Festivus,
Or Hanukkah, Eid or Kwanzaa,
If you’re OK with the rest of us
For holidays ’tis the season,
So this little wish I pen,
Umoja, Shalom, Mubarak, Ho Ho Ho,
Whatever, and ever, Amen.

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